actually, I'm a sock model
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
