Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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