Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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