Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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