A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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