How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize