I think I am morally bankrupt
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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