drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
