i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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