I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
