Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
