Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
