i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
