Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
