God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize