spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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