so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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