Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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