high people should be assigned attendants
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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