I want to stick my p in your. b.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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