I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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