Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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