shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
