He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
