I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
