I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
