Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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