glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
