I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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