Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
