at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
so much tequila, so little girl.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
