I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
