dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
40s are totally the cure
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
