Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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