i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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