i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
