Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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