New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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