just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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