he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
