this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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