Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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