found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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