He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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