When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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