I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize