Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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