is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
