I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
