Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
