wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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