I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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