An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
