I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's blow job season.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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