Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
