sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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