Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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