My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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