seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize