i love accidental penises.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
