Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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