So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
