i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
