You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
