O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
