I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
