It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
pray to the hookup gods
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
