Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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