We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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