totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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