Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
