I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
