We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
