i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dignity is for republicans.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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