U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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