He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
