Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Drunk is not a location!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
