If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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