I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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