Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
