That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize