6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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