I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
