She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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