all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
