So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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