the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
