So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
