I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
