So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize