I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
