you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
