There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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