i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
