how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
