I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize