I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
