Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
