I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
