The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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