I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
