the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
