My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
