I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
